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Rick Santorum

Toss Him in the Clown Car: Rick Santorum Announces Second Run For President

His announcement alone was straight up wingnut-palooza.

Rick Santorum announced his bid for presidency in 2016, and his announcement speech was full on wingnut-palooza. His equally nutty fans applauded nearly all of the lunacy emitting from the podium, apparently oblivious to the simple fact that no matter how much Santorum thinks that God is on his side and what private intimate conversations they may have had, many of his claims were fabricated and promises unattainable.

First of all, the God thing makes for a pretty crowded field as nearly all the GOP candidates have claimed some sort of personal relationship with The Almighty.

But now this particular sweater vest-wearing surprise winner of the 2012 Iowa Caucus, who later lost to Willard Romney and previously lost his senatorial re-election bid by a whopping 17 points, is positioning himself as a man of the people, too. A regular guy just like you or me.

Holding up a lump of coal (his grandfather was a coal miner) and pointing to his 12 years in the Senate, “Working families don’t need another president tied to big government or big money,” he said, moving on to a criticism of Hillary Clinton, and “big business” and pro-immigration policies had undercut American workers.

The announcement makes Santorum the 18th contender in the field. Thirty one if you’re counting prospects still exploring the bid. Like Bobby Jindal, he wants to “drive a stake” through Common Core and like Ted Cruz, wants to rid us of the IRS while at the same time suggesting a flat tax. A flat tax meaning that you and Bill Gates or the Koch brothers will pay the same percentage of your income in taxes – because he “stands for someone – the American worker.”

Santorum bragged that ISIL featured him in its online magazine and that they quoted him. “They know who I am and I know who they are.” Tough talk from a guy who during the last cycle had a wardrobe entirely made up of sweater vests. Because regular working Americans wear sweater vests.

“We have learned,” he bloviated, “that commander-in-chief is not an entry-level position, and that the White House is the last place for on-the-job training.” The crowd erupted, as though this could be said of nearly every president we’ve elected in the past two decades. Speaking of entry level, I’m not sure what qualifications for commander-in-chief can be found in a guy who was an aide in the Pennsylvania State House, a white-shoe corporate lawyer, served two terms in both the House and the Senate, lost his last re-election bid by 17 points, and was the runner-up to Willard Romney. But ISIL knows who he is and maybe they’ll vouch for him.

I wrote about Rick Santorum yesterday and without re-iterating every idiotic and disgusting thing he’s said about homosexual, heterosexuals, and people in general, it’s sufficient to say that the guy really is a sanctimonious dick.

The Onion published a piece titled, “Candidate Profile: Rick Santorum” with a bulleted list of what you need to know about Rick Santroum:

  • Age: 23 years younger than average supporter
  • Birthplace: America he barely recognizes anymore
  • Campaign Goals: Keep the rampant liberalism in the Republican party in check
  • Economic Platform: More of a social issues guy
  • Trademark Look: Suit, tie
  • Debate Strategy: Hoping to be permitted to watch from green room
  • Hobbies: Searching for intelligently designed life on other planets
  • Views On Hardcore Pornography: Included in presidential platform
  • Motivation For Running: Kill some time before going to Heaven
  • Biggest Controversy: Is presidential candidate

His announcement didn’t include the usual vitriolic attacks on gays and sex. Maybe he’s steering clear of that in the hopes that Dan Savage won’t come after him again with yet another twitter bomb.

There’s nothing particularly relevant about Santorum in the midst of 30 prospective GOP candidates, aside from his ability to stand out. Not to stand out as a contender of course, but as a barometer by which we can measure the exact level of wingnut the others are willing to aspire to.

 

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